Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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