i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
