Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
