just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
