An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
