I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize