He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
