He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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