it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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