Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My breasts were aching with rage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
