I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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