Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
