'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
