What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
