i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Randomize
