im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Houston, we have a squirter
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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