just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
