Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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