Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
