I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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