I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
