when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
