so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
