saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
