dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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