i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
