You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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