yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
