I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
