I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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