just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize