Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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