ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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