but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Blood and glitter go together right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
