After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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