if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
