hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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