that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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