My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
