i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize