my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
