Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
