Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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