I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
