Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My feet surprised me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
