i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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