i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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