Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
