I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize