it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
