How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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