turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
