dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
