I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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