She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
