you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
