Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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