my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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