the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
