Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
