So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
