the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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