I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
