I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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