Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
