I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
