ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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