I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
